Impulsiveness is a Curse

So I have this friend who changes her mind about what she wants to do with her life just about every month or so. When we were younger, our only goal was to lean on each other for support, what was mine was hers and vice versa, that we had to like each other's boyfriends, and that nothing could stand in the way between our friendship. Well, we both "grew up," moved away from each other, in and out of chaotic times in our life, never able to establish steady plans to get together and reminisce about old times. Eventually, everything was rekindled -- we were going to school together, taking mutual classes, leaders of the same clubs, traveling the world. Our new mission: to save the world... together (though the idea really wasn't all that new). We talked about the Peace Corp and getting plopped somewhere in Africa living in some tattered hut living off strange porage and bugs, and eventually coming home worn and ragged; skin and bones.

That was about a year ago. Since then we've both talked about living in different places after the fact, but we still remained set on joining the Peace Corp together, finding loop holes that would get us stationed in the same place. We eventually only found that married couples and family members can be stationed together. We often times joked about getting a civil union somewhere just for that reason. We joked about that a lot actually. Living together, single for the rest of our lives because no one wanted to love and accept us, and being mistakenly taken for a lesbian couple. It was humorous to us because we for 1.) are not gay, and 2.) would make such a terrible, nagging couple.

Set aside, plans have since changed and she had decided New York City was her calling and that I ultimately should give up my future goals and move to NY with her. I actually seriously considered it, with the condition that we moved in 2-3 years to a city of my choosing... like Austin, Colorado, or Seattle. Seattle was shot down due to the rain... but I still really would like to live there someday.

Now? Now since we've returned from Japan, the new plan is for her to move to L.A. with her love and meet up with a mutual friend that just moved there. My place will remain here, until I graduate, and then who knows where I'll end up. Ultimately, it will be wherever I want to be. I know I could have always ultimately chose what I wanted to do with my life, and would have, but regardless, deciding before graduation is kind of tough. Still... a part of me still wants us to save the world together, though I'm ok with saving it on my own now; life is about doing what you want to do, regardless.

So, after our trip to Japan I realize that we really do want totally separate things. She's in graduate school, wanting to move to a ritzier city and finish her degree there. I wish the best for her. I feel like I'm already on the route to going and being exactly where I want to be in life at this particular moment. Whether that be Seattle, Colorado, South America, or the newest possibilities of Michigan or Japan. I'm not prepared to make decisions like that on my own yet. One thing at a time. Still for my friend, it's not good bye... we'll be best friends forever... you know I love you.

We have a strange sort of relationship, but somehow it works. In the end, there is no telling... but one thing I do know is that I'll be contently happy no matter where I am because satisfaction and contentment comes from within. Living on impulse? Well... maybe it's not such a bad idea after all. Especially when you believe in the capabilities of yourself.


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