The measure

Fairness, equality, and the measure--the meaning behind the movement and the response. Are you analyzing the composition, or the individual? Do you understand the consequence of action; possess awareness of accountability. What are the margins of error? Does the machine know what it is doing without its maker, its mechanic, or its consumer? Do you "live" in the herd, or do you fight for the cause? Do you breath life? Does life breath you?

Finished with Finish Line

Close to a year ago I purchased my 6 month-annual pair of Mizuno running shoes. They were the Mizuno Wave Creation 12, which I wrote about back in April 2011. It was my first time taking advantage of Finish Line's 15 Day Test Run offer that is meant to allow you to purchase a pair of qualifying shoes and run in them for up to 15 days to determine whether you are satisfied with your purchase. If you are not, the policy does not allow you to return the shoes for retail value. They must be treated as an exchange. The reason for this can be found in the middle of your exchange receipt stating,

*****EXCHANGE*****
Reason Description: 3351 Bottom, discoloration.
I asked the clerk what happens to this perfectly good pair of running shoes? She said that they will be returned back to the manufacture as defective. Which means that they will either be a) recycled, or b) trashed. Both being a despicable waste of resources, unless recycled means that they get donated to people that do not have shoes--this depend on the manufacturer (Nike, Mizuno, Reebok, Asics... what are the chances?). Not that Finish Line is to blame. Consumers are the real problem--returning items they put little forward thought into for long term use; getting bored, being impulsive. I see it everyday where I work. Dive gear is purchased, packaging ripped to shreds of a perfectly good item. No one wants to buy an item with damaged packaging--because humans are spoiled rotten--so it gets sent back to the manufacturer in cardboard boxes and wrapping (resources), on a truck that runs on gasoline (resources), to be thrown away or replaced (resources), and repackaged for shipment again (resources x's....), while all being handled by many paid humans along the way.

I have a lot of trouble with buying new running shoes. Actually, I have a lot of difficulty with buying anything that is really important, especially things that are expensive and that I use often. I was so stoked to take advantage of the offer at Finish Line because I wanted to have faith in the company that I gave a lot of money to and that supported an activity in my life that I valued greatly. But who was I kidding? An offer too good to be true generally is. Afterall, Finish Line is a commercialized profit monger. Why would they care about their customer when they saturate and monopolize the athletic shoe retail market? Corporations can do precisely what they chose when they aren't being held accountable--like inflate their product prices, underpay their laborers, and rip off their consumers. But this is, perhaps a discussion for later.

So back to the 15 Day Test Run Offer. The ~$120 Mizuno Wave Creation 12 caused great injury, which I had no question about taking them back for an exchange with a different shoe. I was informed that I must make the exchange at equal value, even though the new pair I decided on was $20 cheaper--a policy I was unaware of after I had questioned the original sales person with inquiries like,

"If I don't like these can I return them for a full refund?"
Sales person: "Yes. That won't be a problem."
Win.

Not that I was going to do that. I needed new running shoes. I am a runner, after all, but I wanted to make sure there was no catch. I then asked if I could receive the difference in the form of a store credit, as I did not currently need anything additional at the time. The sales rep exclaimed that despite my lack of need for anything in the store, the remainder of the difference had to be used that same day. Bullshit. Since then I have never purchased anything additional from Finish Line, and probably never will. Dishonest corporations do not deserve my business, nor do companies that choose to succeed at the expense of others. I was totally out $20.


These past few years have become very sobering when it comes to the obvious consumer sacrifice by industrial corporations. I can't decide if my reactions are the result of aging wisdom, or if shit really is just bad. People are still buying things, right? Unnecessary things even though their house has been or is soon to be foreclosed; even if their car has been repossessed, or they have filed for food and Medicaid assistance. People still buy junk. I've finally eliminated a lot of these corporate giants from my life. On top of selectively limiting my support of general mass producing industries, I also no longer support the meat, dairy, or egg industry. I still recycle and reuse almost everything that I lay my grimy hands on, and I've cut grocery shopping down to every other week without spending more, among a billion other things.

But the thing is... I am on mile 500 of my Mizunos. I still need new running shoes. But I trust no one, as I know industry is raping our pocketbooks as a demented hobby and destroying our dreams. Too much? Ask around... I doubt I'm really that far off.

---

An interesting tidbit I found about Brooks and their efforts at being green. Read the article - Green Silence Running Shoes, and then go visit their Green Room.

Also, read about the Environmental Impacts of Simple Running Shoes.

Indebted

Nov 2011		Dec 2011		Jan 2012
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30		Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31		Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

[start from the beginning here]

My physical journey began on a shinkansen ("shink"--bullet train) from Okayama, Japan on a the early morning of 14 November 2008, while heading east towards Osaka. Then, onto another train to Kansai International, where I caught a plane at 1:30 in the afternoon to arrive in Detroit, Michigan on that very same day--two hours earlier at 11:30am (talk about a mindfuck). From there it was on through Miami, Florida to depart at 7:50pm, to then land in Alajuela, Costa Rica by 9:40pm (which really ended up being after 11pm on account of delays) 14 November 2008 (sound familiar?). Indeed.

I decided to move to CR while I was living back in the states and finishing up my BA in Political Science. I searched high and low for an environmental/cultural experience that would challenge every thought and instill question beyond the common idea that runs our society like a goddamn machine.

I wanted to change something. I wanted to change everything.

And so, I found PRETOMA in CR offering a position as a field coordinator on Playa Caletas at a makeshift camp made out of driftwood and advertising tarps. With no running water and no electricity, they wanted to change everything, too. They wanted to introduce this concept that culture and tradition could be embraced, while educating the public and preserving organic life that was fundamentally far more important then, say, eating sea turtle eggs or mass trawling for shrimp in protected waters.

I was extended the field assistant position from PRETOMA (and accepted) on Earth Day earlier of that year. I was so psyched on leaving that I began looking for apartments immediately. I didn't know why, but I knew I couldn't go and come back until I felt accomplished in my conservationist conquest; my personal conquest, too. These are the actions you take when you feel driven. You seek and you anchor a new idea or passion. Sometimes it's far away. For me, it was always this way.

I used to think that growth must be achieved hand-in-hand with leaving. That unsettlement sent us away to better places and better dreams unclouded by emotional confusion and turmoil. If you can't fix problems here, fly away. But problems do not fix themselves and if a human cannot take the stand to demand difference in appropriate ways, then things stay the same or get exponentially worse. This is a powerful symbol to be taken how you like.

Things don't always work out as we have planned. Those concrete battles that have everything to do with unrelated uncertainty keeping us from standing firm in our passions and beliefs: like standard of living, environmental friendliness and preservation, the ways we treat others, the lack of respect for ourselves that, if present, would create an enhanced living environment for all.

And so, I moved to CR from Japan (the reasons why I left from JP and not Ohio are obsolete, as are the reasons why I returned back to JP instead of staying in CR). But something changed. I changed. And every concept and premonition I had of society, human nature and motivation, societal bonds and ideas, political and natural concepts that has lead or divided us into a species of greed and hate; love and nurture.

After my time in CR, and once I arrived back in Osaka, I already knew that I had evolved in a way that embraced the universe as compassionate, and I had settled on the idea that conceptual interpretation is entirely constructed from the human mind; that life can be created, maintained, and/or destroyed by the judgements and opinions in our hearts towards others. And so, I left Japan and returned to the real outdoors as a zipline tour guide and high adventure/leadership coordinator where I was able to spend my days expanding the minds of children, while teaching adults about the importance of respect, and the difference between pride and honor.

It has taken me three years to fully embrace the trajectory of the experience, and the meaning behind the person I have become. To lay this aftermath in readable format for people to see beyond a personal adventure as a field assistant to CR, but to apply these concepts in a way that enhances life and day-to-day living in the lives of your own.

Costa Rica was my second international place traveling and living far on my own. The first time I worked outside in the wildness, continuously (24/7). The first time I ever found myself lost under command. Protection-less. Unafraid of contamination. Challenged. Materially unprepared and improvised. Free and inspired in that way that doesn't go away from your daily thoughts and decisions. Can you relate to an experience that has shown you who you are in certain situations and how naive you were to believe or act a certain way? Your ignorance of ideas or perceptions of systems you thought you understood?--like how other countries use soft power on lower developed countries to degrade the environment and create personal gain; how drugs ruin a present soul; changing interpretations of logical distance in a place full of vast countryside, and natural boundary (like the distance to the nearest hospital). The ability of power to change the soul of an entity. Or the pureness of a person that holds peace in their heart, and the curious force that binds them to the earth.

It is unnecessary that you read the story. But if you did, I hope that you realized the struggle of an emotional human in a very physical world, and interpret it in a way that coorilates with an equal, but subjective struggle in any given circumstance of your own. Do not forget that we all endure hardship, struggle and fear. That we all bleed, and love, and thrive on the same earth. The one and only Earth. That I will not hurt you as you do not hurt me. And if you so happened to read, I am sure that you noticed...

Not only did CR teach me the sad tragedy of large-scale businesses (businesses... masterminded by people) who are blinded by profit competition, but CR also showed me that there are better people with the potential to be amazingly genuine about protecting the environment and are actively interested in learning how to make their lives healthier as they lived, surrounded by nature. I learned the beauty and complexity of animals and their symbiotic relationship with their organic homes. I learned the ability of natural phenomenon, the respect of a kilometer, the lack of privacies in the wild. I learned that all animals must eat. I also learned that some animals must also be eaten, as well as eat other animals. I learned that I am against organized dictation of the earth in the forms of plantations such as the teak forest full of howler monkeys in Coyote; broadly, drilling and mining in the oceans, overfishing, commercial subjugation of not just lower developed countries (LDCs), but of all consumerist populations.

For the past few months I have written about my experience in CR. Perhaps you have recognize certain themes that spoke of respect, acceptance, excessiveness, and simplicity. At times while I was rereading and typing all of these entries I felt as if I had a far different opinion on the meaning of true experience. These are not themes that I live my life by now--not in the same sense. Before, these themes referred to things like, respect others' opinions; accept that people primarily value their own beliefs above others; do not live a life of excessiveness and unnecessary; master a life of simplicity.

Although I still believe these things, far greater lesson have been learned through my experiences after CR and beyond. Now, life now is something like, respect others as you respect yourself, accept others as you accept yourself, excessiveness removes self-reliance, simplicity saves the world.

I spent a lot of time focusing on my own self journey rather than reaching out to my equally transplanted comrades in a new place who were also living through their own respective confusion and growth. I wish I had all of the knowledge then, that I have now--to thrive and lift others in the collective journey of not just self-discovery, but remind others of the important mission set forth before us in Costa Rica: to save endangered sea turtle populations; to help implement overfishing and by-catch awareness, while encouraging a collective environmental perspective that focused on conservationism rather than research.

But it's never too late, and there is never regret in the sudden discovery of a better mindset in respecting the ones around us. If we respect each other, we become better providers for the universe. We think of others throughout our daily journey, and our actions reflect this. I just don't think life is so bad that we must push others out of the way and sacrifice our brethren for a better chance... because the chance lies in the collective. The collective of ______. It's all the same thing.

Some things never change...
Playa Caletas, Costa Rica 2008-09	Abaco Island, The Bahamas 2011

Since the experience in CR, leaving Japan, and divulging on these experiences and aftermaths throughout the years, I have found myself permanently back in the fieldwork limelight as a full fledged conservationist and simplest in Miami, FL. My lifestyle is entirely based on simple and sustainable living in the hopes of extending and protecting a world for others. I have dropped my biases towards humans who hurt the earth, and I have learned to appreciate all good and bad facets that create the living world which we are most aware. I've done this by surrounding myself with pure souls, pure foods, pure interpretation of nature and of living. As a researcher, I am lost in the manipulation of environments that achieve pages of data to be presented in front of committees who ultimately control the destiny of these findings through their own personal agendas and opinions of interactive science. But as a conservationist, I have found my peace in knowing that all the self-good I do towards my environment and others is most sustainable without the approval of groups racing to place their research at the forefront of an intellectual battle that distracts researchers of their reasons for hard work. I express these conflicts in the form of "researcher" v. "conservationist", but this is merely a weighted opposition of my own device representing two conflicting sectors within my own dimension. You are left to interpret your own devices just the same, as you affiliate yourself with one belief over the other. But my dream is not to win. My dream is to see the two opponents of any segregation, reach across the table and unite; shake hands and realize... honor, not pride, will be the instrument that nourishes life.

¡Aquí vengo!

JANUARY 13, 2009

It is funny. When I first got to Costa Rica I was ever so cautious of impurities. Careful not to swallow the water as I brushed my teeth. Careful not to touch anything more than I needed to in the shower, in the bread store, on the bus. Even the grocery to me in Alajuela felt tainted, and there was no way that I was going to consider eating from an exposed mound of complimentary brown and bruised bananas and crumby white loaf bread at the hotel in San José.

Since I have been here in Caletas, all of these preconceived ideas of impurities have been diminished. We wash our dishes with sometimes foul-smelling well water. The dishes are hardly ever really clean, sitting out in the open air just like everything else at camp. Leftovers sit out uncovered, or saran wrapped in above normal temperatures for a day and we still eat them. Our hands and nails are always dirty from digging in the sand, using the "facilities," and digging up rotting turtle eggs. Often they are washed only to immediately come in contact with some other unsanitary surface. Some of us shower daily, while some shower only once or twice a week. We all brush our teeth, some a little compulsively than others, but I admit that I have stopped having a problem with dampening my bristles in the dish water. We've mastered the art of scavenging for every last crumb of food, even if it so happens to be lost in the sand. Mites and ants run rampant across every surface, and I have grown tireless of brushing them from my skin or chasing them from meals. We've learned to efficiently utilize every last drop of honey, every minute scrap from the peanut jar, and tattered, torn and stained articles of clothing have no choice, but to carry on.

I have a memory from the beginning of one of the girls washing a bucket before she used it, and I laughed, "We live in a camp!" I recall people complaining that they were sick of always having to eat rice and beans--still are-- and I exclaimed, "Hey, reality check. We live in a camp!" I remember people complaining of the toxic fumes omitted from the facilities, and I


screamed, "Dude, we live in a fucking camp!!!"

As I sit here on this early Tuesday morning, surrounded by dirty cups and plates. Surrounded by deteriorating and stained books, duct tape patched tarps, knife carved and marked surfaces, dried up coconut shells, empty glass Imperial bottles, heaps of junk behind the bookshelf, empty water jugs, rusty metal, and plastic garbage collected from the beach. I am content pushing my sweaty hair behind my ears and dabbing my brow. I am content rinsing and peeing in the ocean, eating lukewarm leftovers, drinking dirt-tasting water, and slapping bugs on my skin. It's not paradise. Never said it was. But I am content and comfortable and a part of me is sad to let go of this freedom; this filthy, acceptable companionship.

As unsettling as any of this sounds to you--maybe making your stomach turn, or face scrunch--the fact of the matter is, is that none of these things that I have explained matter. The dirt, the sweat, the rot, the filth, the stench--these are real things and they are life. We establish standards of living as we move about as creatures of habit. Creatures of habit that have since been radically molded by the standards that society has seen "acceptably" fit. We judge others for living in their trash, not having access to clean water, wearing clean clothes, etc. I don't know... maybe I feel differently about it all now. About human beings as a whole, and distinguishing the difference between "choice" and "force," and how these two categories can make any standard of living acceptable under circumstance and understanding.

I came from a country where appearance and status is every thing. Where trends are all that matter, and makeup, hair, clothes are always perfect (re: Japan). I came to a place where none of that mattered, and I could confidentially walk into town on a dirt-caked road, clothes and skin covered in dust, stains, holes, and scrapes, humidity ravaged hair and drenched in sweat. I can be this way and found that I feel beautiful. I really do. Humble, simple, and pure. And all I hope is that I can keep this, and come home being content


just being. I hope that I can go home and stop trying to be perfect. Stop trying to impress the social sphere and the cliche.

"I hope for your sake I’ve changed , and I hope for my sake you managed to remain the same."

Hold me to it. Hold myself high and hold me to it. This could be the beginning of something beautiful, and I can't let you destroy that this time.

---

So I decided to walk into town again with Sarah and we ran into Stephanie. The PRETOMA car is broke down so she walked in to pick up some empty boxes and was on her way back to her house. After talking and walking with her a little ways, we found that the boxes were because she was leaving PRETOMA and San Francisco de Coyote. It was kind of shocking news, but maybe since Alec just left the beginning of the month she couldn't bare to stay. Suddenly things were starting to make sense. Something was going on at headquarters, or not going on, as we found out. Apparently they weren't getting the help that they needed and communication had become frustrating and difficult. So going to San José to get assistance turned into a letter of resignation. News is that Miguel is coming to take over, but the car is still broke down and I am more concerned about my ride into town at this point. To my relief, she said that she would hire someone to pick us up tomorrow afternoon at the start of the beach. At roughly ~3pm, Margarita, Natalia, and I will be making our way down Playa Caletas for an awaiting vehicle into San Fran to catch a bus at 3am on the 15th.

¡Japon aquí vengo!

[Next Day-->]

Adoption

JANUARY 12, 2009

I walked into town today for probably the last time. This assuming that I can get a ride from Stephanie with my bags on the early morning of the 15th. I was able to get almost everything I wanted to get for my family, minus some coconut bars and some granola that I think tastes like Smacks cereal. Maybe others will trail into town before departure and they can get them for me. Here is a recipe I found for coconut bars (everyone's ultimate favorite thing), just in case they are not at the supermercado:

• 2 eggs, well beaten
• 2 cups brown sugar
• 1/2 tsp vanilla
• salt to taste
• 2 cups shredded coconut
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts (optional)

Combine the ingredients in bowl, in the order given. Pour into 8" sq. pan. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 30 minutes. Cool slightly, then cut into bars.

The ABCs of Camp Cooking is where I got this recipe. We have it in our makeshift bookshelf and refer to it occasionally, except that we can't get all of the ingredients here. It uses simple, on hand ingredients. I would like a cookbook that is "sans diary and oil-free". And I also want to learn how to steam bath a cake.

Maggie and her puppy were taken away today. Natalia and Margarita took them to two people from Mozambique who are temporarily adopting them until the puppy is finished nursing, and they can find them homes. I hope Maggie doesn't bite anyone. I bet that Margarita is pretty sad about it. It is


definitely bittersweet.

Someone found a dead hawksbill at sector 48 today. Sad, sad news.

[<--Previous Day]

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Meaningful

JANUARY 11, 2009

Go home and listen to more blues.

The Beatles, Grateful Dead, Eric Calpton, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Bonnie Raitt, BB King, John Hiat, Buddy Guy, Susan Tedeschi...

Loquat, Citizen Cope, Wild Sweet Orange, Margot, Fountains of Wayne, Sheerwood, Jack's...

Imogen Heap, Tegan and Sara, Feist, An Horse, Brandi Carlisle, Death Cab, Thievery Corporation, MGMT

Brett Denon, Ray La Montagne... Jolene... because we all still don't know what love means.

[<--Previous Day]

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Sparkling light

JANUARY 9, 2009

I just had a dream about going to the salad bar with my family. Heaven. And there was amaretto pound cake. I could taste it.

I had some other interesting dreams last night. I was hanging out at a gay rights rally and it was supposedly the last night before an issue passed that wouldn't allow them to marry. So everyone that came to the rally participated in a marriage ceremony and was given a marriage license. It was wonderful. Also, with the position of the Earth that time of year, the Hubble telescope was apparently floating around in outer space in a way that allowed it to float down to Earth as if there was no atmosphere present. It felt like we were so close to the sky. I watched it bob around, spurring streamers of sparkling light that were the same colors as the parrot feather I picked up the other day--black, bright green, and indigo. The occasion disrupted the rally briefly, but once the Hubble telescope floated back up into space, the rally was due to come to a close. I wandered around the booths for some freebies, where I then stumbled upon an international food market. It was a lot like Jungle Jim's, but with international vendors in designated sections. I found a sushi restaurant, but was still full from whatever I ate at the salad bar. I walked by a fruit display and there were chunks of fruit on long wooden kabobs where I plucked a gigantic strawberry. The hostess was Japanese, as was everyone inside. I greeted and thanked them in Japanese and I remember being very excited to taste sashimi, which I have been craving here among other Japanese favorites. I am still looking forward to going back and finding some much needed consistency.

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