Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress

So 9 months later... seems to be the trend with myself and blogging. I always start all these random blogs to keep in touch with people I meet along the way and often time relations fade and I'm left with these empty skeletons of words floating about. Doesn't do much for my insecurity. I have a hard time accepting what I am writing at times, because I know that in a couple months I'll look back on how I felt and feel completely different about the situation. I like to call myself conditional... living day to day, with the world entirely wrapped around my heart. I can't admit that it's a good thing, especially when things go wrong, but I suppose if you cross my path at any particular moment you know I'm always true.

Someone made some comment to me today about appreciating life and the people in it. That it's really sad how no one ever works hard to maintain relations and that you only take time to work hard to savor something when your world is falling apart. And like the saying, "you never know what you have until it's gone." I think it's total bullshit and it appalls me that so many people take advantage of all the potentially wonderful things in their life... to just save it for another day; keep saving people... it's not going anywhere, things don't change, people never get fed up... how absurd. If you love and care about something or someone, there is nothing more important than maintaining the stability and happiness of this entity, together, because balance is essential and you can't put all your effort into only making the other person happy, or only making yourself happy on the flip-side. Communicating, confiding, respecting, loving, cherishing... it's not a job... it should be effortless. If it isn't, if it all causes you pain and heartache then why do you hold so tightly onto it as it begins to slip through your fingertips? I never understood that... but I'm also guilty. It's never ok to only show you care in the end... that shit just pisses me off.

And suddenly, this has turned into a writing of irritant because I was just presented news that I have to present at a university luncheon on Japan because I won a scholarship for the trip. Fuckers. Why are there always conditions to charity? Oh happy day... and suddenly, my day has taken a cynical walk.

Hmmm... hour until lunch. Sweet.

I just found out that my presentation is on Halloween. What kind of crap is that?!?


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